A few mornings ago I awoke from a deep sleep and stumbled into the bathroom. In the quiet of the very early morning hours there was a momentary pause in the constant stream of my thinking and I disappeared into the awareness of being fully alive - aware of pure aliveness.
In my disappearance was the reality of being lived by life; the illusion of me living my life vanished. Life is being lived through me - through you, through everything. I am not the cause of my life - there is no me that's doing it. Life is just happening.
In this moment of personal emptiness there is seen the connection between what is inside and what is outside - the distinction between the me that is inside and the world that is outside blurs into continuity.
Words fail to describe the clarity of this experience of complete openness that is happening to no one that can be grasped or defined as being separate from all things.
THE BOUNDLESS GRACE OF NOW
The experience doesn't last - but remains with the "me" that returns to believing that it is in control. Once experienced though, this primal consciousness of transparency remains as a shining moment in the daily movie of my apparent life.
With this blast of boundless grace comes a deep sense of comfort - that everything is going to be fine; that everything will eventually work out - because of course, in reality, there is nothing to be worked out - there is no real "eventually" for everything to resolve to.
All the seeking, believing, hoping, longing, and future planning become perfectly absorbed or resolved like the chords of a beautiful song into the endless now. Sorrows and joys are no longer opposites but supporting columns of a balanced foundation. Opposites become points in a continuum that is seen as eternally moving back and forth in the dance of life.
In this liberation of consciousness beyond the boundaries of self and other - is found the release from holding beliefs as solid. To believe is to fall into the very friendly trap of conditioned existence. To hold a personal belief is to confuse reality with the perception of it that we hold as illusory self-existing beings. To cling to belief is to open yourself to worry about not believing; to lose faith in the present moment.
For me to believe something that divides me from others is a kind of violence. To claim that a religion is absolutely true based on speculated theories or even other people's testimonies is to betray the nature of grace that underlies life itself. To hold beliefs is to cling to the lie that reality cannot be experienced but through the eyes of memory, or through someone else's story. Now is the only moment that truly exists and to interpret now through the eyes of the past is to miss the fulness of each moment as it endlessly unfolds.
So I hold truth lightly in my open hands. Another's interpretation of truth can be valid to pointing the way to the deeper meaning beyond it - but holding it too tight can cause the closing of the mind and heart that results in a narrowing of the true Self beyond itself.
Belief is not faith - to hold belief is to live with the illusion of a better future - faith is to live fully in the now - moment by moment; a fully embraced life.
"Don't worry about your life, what you'll eat or what you'll drink, or about your body, what you'll wear. Isn't life more than food and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds in the sky. They don't sow seek or harvest grain or gather crops into barns. Yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren't you worth much more than they are? Who among you by worrying can add a single moment to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? Notice how the lilies in the field grow. They don't wear themselves out with work, and they don't spin cloth. But I say to you that even Solomon in all of his splendor wasn't dressed like one of these. If God dresses grass in the field so beautifully, even though it's alive today and tomorrow it's thrown into the furnace, won't God do so much more for you, you people of weak faith? Therefore, don't worry and say, 'What are we going to eat?' or 'What are we going to drink?' or 'What are we going to wear?'.....Your heavenly Father knows that you need them. Instead, desire first and foremost God's kingdom and God's righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, stop worrying about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:25-34